Sunday, October 12, 2008
Living with the 'rents or paying rent?
So I have an older brother and a younger brother who are both now over the age of 18. When they both turned 18 my parents started charging them rent to live at home in order to get them out quicker and to "grow them up". However, when I turned 18 they never said a word. I lived at home till I was 20 and now am at school and have never paid a dime and they pay for my school and rent even here (I do work for anything extra that I want or need though). The thought occurred to me though that it is more socially acceptable for a women to live at home longer than for males. If a 22 or 23 year old female lives at home I see that as more socially acceptable but if I hear about a 21 year old living with his parents I think of him as a lazy. Why does society expect males to move out of their parents home earlier than females? Both sexes are getting married later and later now days so shouldn't it be acceptable for men to live at home longer or should it be expected that women find their own places younger and get out on their own? Just a thought.
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5 comments:
I think that this stereotype stems from the old belief that a woman should live with her father until she marries her husband. Although society does not hold this belief anymore or I hope they don't we still find it more socially acceptable for women to live with their parents longer than males. As a society we still except boys to become men at 18, they are expected to support themselves fully. This is a fine expectation if it is not put solely on men, but instead on men and women. But society can only hold men and women to this expectation if the parents of those men and women have taught them to be self-sufficient.
It is sad when parents expect boys to all of the sudden grow up and support themselves at 18 if they have not given those boys the tools to do so.
I once heard a younger professor say that our "parents are relics of a dying conservative generation." As much as I despise the phrase and wish that we could maintain our parents' conservative viewpoints, I do find that at times they hold double standards that can be hard for our generation to cope with. As the oldest of three and only girl, I was told (and expected to adhere to) the old saying "Nice girls don't live alone." In other words "There's no way in hell we're letting you move out." My mom sat me and my two brothers down and told us that when they wanted to move out, all they had to do was say the word. Why? Because males can protect themselves, and it is expected that they test boundaries and push for more freedom. I, however, was told that I would live at home until I was married. After much consternation and heated debate, I convinced my parents that of the three of us, I was most responsible and financially stable. They agreed to let me move out under strict conditions, until there was a family emergency and I was pretty much booted from the nest so they could deal with the issue and my brother (who stays with me a couple nights a week) and I could get be removed from the situation. A year and a half later, I've discussed with my parents their current views on my situation. They both agree that they were wrong in assuming I was too irresponsible or immature, and my father has stated openly that I've "outdone most guys my age." So, while still facing gender biased views, it IS possible to make headway and prove that females can and will be just as independent (if not more so) than their male counterparts.
It has a lot to do with your culture and social class. Some parents if they have the money to support their kids dont mind doing, while others figure at 18 your a man and its time for you to move out on your own. This brings me back to the Bill Gates discussion, as much money as he has he still wants his children to be independent somewhat. He supposably is not living all that lavish and wants people to understand he is still down to earth and no stranger to hard work. As a man you should be more motivated to get out on your own anyway. Your goal is to be the provider, not babysat when u graduate. I feel thats a good thing for parents to do that, the sooner the better because they will not always be around to spoonfeed them.
Considering stereotypes, it seems that people would be more accepting with a women in her 20's living with her parents then if a man in his 20's was. Is that really the way things are though? Some people may think that, but I believe things are changing in that issue. I have just noticed with the people I know the sex doesn't make a difference on on how the person is viewed who is living at home. The people that I know that would say that the man is lazy for still staying with the parents would probably think the same for the girl. On the flip side, people I know who accept someone that is living at home in 20's would think so for both sexes. I feel like it is coming more accepted for both though. Especially with how hard it is to get a job right now! I see nothing wrong with either sex still living with their parents.
I think it all comes down to the whole notion that men are suppose to be breadwinners and get out there and start making money so that they can support a family. I think that is why it is not as acceptable for a guy to stay home with their parents than it is for a girl. My younger brother is 21 and stays home with our parents but he is going to school. My parents rule is if you are not in school, then you have to pay rent. However, my stepdad is always saying that my brother needs to get out and move on his own but his 22 year old daughter just moved in and he never says anything. I asked him about it and he said that my brother is a man and needs to start suppoting himself.
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