10/29

Today in class we discussed scripts for dating. When we were in groups, I noticed that the majority of the gender specific "rules" that my group came up with could apply two both sexes. I believe that in order to have a relationship progress both people must have the desire to put in the effort to do so.I believe that every couple comes up with their own set of rules. There is not one couple that expects the same things from their partner. One rule that is within my relationship is to have expressed appreciation. What I mean by this is, for example, while my boyfriend is at work on fridays I normally start/sometimes finish his laundry for him. When he gets home he tells me thank you and that he really appreciates it.I have told him before that I do not mind doing things for him as long as they are appreciated, and that as soon as I feel that they are not appreciated I will stop doing them. The same thing applies when he buys dinner. I always tell him thank you. I think what is wrong with some of the scripts or rules that are expected today is that because people do expect them they do not appreciate them, or they do not verbally express their appreciation. SAY THANK YOU PEOPLE!!!

Do men gossip??

SO, the class discussion today was talking about whether guys gossip like girls do. I believe that guys do gossip, but not to the extremes like girls do. I know for a fact they do! One day, a good friend of mine, who is a boy, came up to me and told me that some of his friends were talking about me and their game. My name had come out of no where. Well this other guy was gossiping about me and telling of false information. So my good guy friend asked me not to say anything cause he didn't want drama or he didn't want the other guy knowing that he had told me. Well, i confronted him the next night actually. And come to find out, he tried denying it! That's what some girls do whenever they get caught gossiping about others!

To answer the question, do men gossip. The answer is YES! Even when you're not even around or your name comes out of no where, they do gossip. They just don't want to say they do because it's not in the manly nature to gossip like girls. Although girls do take way more out of control then guys, but they still do!

:)

10/27

Today in class we talked about how women are more likely to talk about eachother behind their backs than men. I think we are giving men too much credit. They can be just as pitty as women can. I have many guy friends and they talk just as much about eachother as my friends and I do. Men talk about eachother, but in a different way. Men, in my experience, talk about how the other guy is not "lucky" when it comes to the ladies, or how the other guy is lazy at work. When women talk about other women it is mostly about physical and sexual characteristics. Basically what I am saying is that men may think that they do not talk about other men behind their backs but they do. The main difference between men and women in this aspect is the content that is being discussed.

Drill Team

This maybe off subject from what most people are blogging about, but when I was in high school, I was on a drill team (dance team) of 81 female students. It was the worst year of high school for me. Most girls stayed in drill team all 3 years (sophmore-sr.). Me, I only stayed the first year and quit. Girls are so hard on one another. Constantly girls were criticizing other girls about their weight, dance skills, make up, hair styles, clothes, etc. I got so tired of being crtiqued for everything about myself, that I had to quit. I had the worst self-esteem that year. We had one girl that was quite over weight and had to keep her dance out-fit together by pins. So many girls would make fun of her, I felt bad for her, because she was one of the best dancers. The thing that bothered me most, is that our dance coach would not order her a new outfit in her size. There used to be a "weight limit for the dancers" a long time ago when the team was first put together. But it has been over 50 years since it started, and the school refuses to buy bigger outfits. Only allowing the skinny girls a chance to feel comfortable and join the dance team. I think the school and facutly views the dance team as the school's "sex objects." I did not want to be apart of something so vain, so I quit, and made the best decision for myself. I just don't know why girls are so hard on each other, guys aren't like that to one another as harsh.

Free Religion

This is a late post but about 2 weeks ago Dr. L-U made it a point to tell all of us that the author of our book sometimes leaves religion on the back burner. I thought it was really awesome how she made it a point to say that we shouldn't forget about that and our personal beliefs, whatever they may be, should play a role in how we learn about and analyze communication and gender. Two thumbs up!

Sororities!!

        Years ago, when I was a freshman I rushed and joined one of the, to remain anonymous, sororities.  All of the senior girls who rushed me and wanted me to join sooooo bad were sooo pretty, and sooo blond, and hot...etc.. 

          I love heels, and getting all dolled up like you do for rush, but I also have a tom-boy side.  I wear a sideways hat and board shorts when I go ride my longboard.  

        After rush I remember seeing the older hot girls who wanted me to join when I wasn't dolled up, and I got treated a lot differently! Funny actually, I saw one of these girls once when I had to run in a store and get some beer to go float.  I didnt have any shoes on and I looked like a TOTAL scrubb (we were on our way to the river!!).  She had the most awkward and surprised look on her face when I said hi to her and her friends.... and I thought she liked me sooooo much???

         I will agree with the ideas that fraternities and sororities have underlying pressures that enforce gender stereotypes. I felt like some of the girls in the sorority held everyone to these stereotypes of us having to be girly and pretty all the time.  

Hug Day

When I was in high school, our principal brought in a group of people that conducted a "challenge day." It was much like a diversity training. It was good that they brought these people into the school because everyone should be aware of differences, however the day turned into a cry fest. Much like on The Office, they pointed out peoples differences. We had to get into groups and talk about ways we were oppressed. Our vice principal was in my group and he talked about the issues of segregation his family encountered when he was a child. He broke down, along with several others. It then turned into everyone having to hug each other. After all of that, we called it "hug day."

Talking about diversity is important and people need to recognize that we are all different and have different feeling. Things like this, however, are not necessary. I shouldn't have to feel bad about myself or be brought to tears because I may or may not have had a more challenging life than others. Pointing out differences in an emotional way like these people did does not help awareness positively, it just makes you feel like crap.

10/20

Today in class we discussed Affirmative Action. I think that it is a good thing, however i think people take more advantage of it than good that it gives back to the public. My dad knew a guy in law school who filled out his whole application in Spanish, the guy could not speak one word of spanish. But because the admissions people did not know that he had his whole tuition paid for. I do not think that this is right at all, i think that this should help people that actually qualify for the policy, obviously this guy didn't.

so this isn't really on topic for what we were talking about in class but its gender related for sure. So yesterday i was with my boyfriend his brother and his brothers girlfriend who is also my best friend. we were on our way somewhere and stopped sonic to get food. well the person that brought us our food was a transgendered individual. the reason i know this is because my best friend whom i was with and i went to highschool with her. And in highschool she was a he, but now she is clearly a she. honestly i didn't even recognize her the first time i saw her after her change. what upset me about this was that when my boyfriend and his brother found out they were completely disgusted and kept referring to this individual as "him" i would correct them and say "her" and they would yell at me and be like NO thats DUDE. i tried to be as calm as i could when explaining to them that because that person is transgendered that they are now a female but the would have none of it. Now i'm conservative on most things but this is one aspect where i fall slightly liberal. Honestly, i feel that transgendered people are born in the wrong body and struggle with that their whole life. No one would just choose it unless they were miserable the other way. that is what i tried to explain to the guys but all that they were say is no, thats disgusting, he's gay. which is completely false because just because someone is transgendered doesn't make them a homosexual. It frustrated me the most because my boyfriend is usually open minded and willing to accept other peoples views. maybe it was just the influence of his brother and the feeling like if he accepted that person as a female it would make him less masculine. i dunno but it made me so mad!

Something I was thinking about this weekend

I stopped to think about my parents and their jobs, my brothers and theirs, and even my grandparents and boyfriends and so forth.....here is what I found

Mom- accountant
Dad-engineer
Brother-Machinist
Brother- College--working on becoming a sports journalist
Me-Sales
Boyfriend-landscaping, and outdoor work
Best friend (female)- 4th grade teacher
Grandma- Nurse
Grandpa-Worked in a cheese factory
Grandma-Stay at home mom
Grandpa- Janitor


Now just looking at these jobs, they all fit into what is stereotypically seen for men a women....I just thought it was interesting...look at the people in your life how do they fit in to these stereotypical view. =)

So this was something I found to be ironic in class when we talked about the idea that due to the fact that women have children then they are charged a higher insurance; however medically we have better health compared to men and men are more likely to have a heart attach due to their work enviornment. So I guess the solution would be to charge the women the higher insurance until they cant have children anymore and then when the men hit the target age for stress related illnesses then charge them; whatever the case I found it to be completly unfair to try and justify all of these rules against women just becuase they may be a mother on day.

10/15

Today in class we discussed women in the workplace. I agree with what was said in class reguarding womens job choices are seen as helping people so that is all the reward one should need. Womens jobs that "help" people and the ones with lower paying professions. I think that because they are helping peole that they should recieve higher salaries.
Another thing that was discussed was women not asking for higher salaries or raises. I think that this is an issue, however we have socialized women not to be assertive and ask for what they want. Women are supposed to be passive, and asking for more money is not very passive. So, should women be active and ask for more money; which goes against what they have been taught their whole lives; or should they be passive and society as a whole work together to get women better salaries?

Does it make a difference?

I always find it interesting when people bring up the "working mother" issue. My mom was a single woman for a great deal of my early years and I spent most of my time in daycare or with my grandma. She didn't become a stay-at-home mom until I was 9 and my brother was born. Sometimes I do feel like there is a wall between my mother and I, like we aren't as close as we could be. I often wonder how different our relationship would be if she had been able to stay at home when I was young. It has taken me a long time to be open and honest with her about things that are complicated. I often find myself thinking "This is my mom which makes this conversation weird and uncomfortable". It did get easier the more time we spent together. I also wonder if it had an affect on my personality. My mom and I are so different I can't even believe that we are related sometimes. I take after my grandma in almost every aspect of my personality and I never really thought about why that is. I relate to people different than she does also. She is such a people person and I have little tolerance for them. So do you think it makes a difference only in your relationship with the parent who is never home? Or does it make a difference in all your relationships?

Does it really matter?

I worked in a restaurant where one of the male managers was very cool and laid back. The only problem was that he fell in that sexual harrassment category every once and a while. I was helping him out in the kitchen one day when he looked over and said, "when did you get that ass?" From that moment on, he always made a comment. At first I just laughed at him but after a while I got a little disgusted. It wasn't only with me when he would say inappropriate things. If there was ever a group of females clustered together at one point, he would walk by and say "I love my wife, I love my wife..." He would stand around with other male servers and talk about it too.

He did ask me once if it bothered me. I said it was a little odd considering he was old enough to be my father. It didn't stop him from his comments. Even though I wasn't completely up front by saying "yes you are crossing a line," I did make a point that I wasn't exactly comfortable with it. Does that automatically give males the right to continue? Does it really matter what I say? I told him, indirectly, that it was wrong, but it didn't stop him at all. This is one little thing that makes it hard for a female to be comfortable at work. It may not be a corporate business or a "power suit" kind of place but we all still deserve the respect!

Work place full of dudes!

I work in an office totally surrounded by men. I am the youngest single female in my division, ok so maybe the only single female in my division. I get along well with every one except for time to time there is the occasional sexist comment that really does step on my toes. Today we talked about men and women in the work place and although I do feel that it is getting better where woman are more equals, there still seems to be the occasional idea that woman can not do a "man's" job. For instance, some times my boss will not send me out to do work but instead will ask one of the other guys to do it. I have had to speak up a few times and tell him "Hey, I can take care of it." Also, I know that women are usually seen as the big gossipers and talkers in the office, but men have just as big as a problem with it. Most of everything I hear in the office is from guys, fotunately I take it with a grain of salt. It seems to me that when a male co-worker makes a mistake they are slapped on the hand and told to not do it again, or they laugh about it. I on the other hand will hear about a mistake for days to come. Granted I do not make as many mistakes as my male co-workers so this is sometimes something I can only assume as being a negative remark being directed towards me for being female. So, yes I am venting a little and I'm sorry but really it is something that I have to struggle with. What keeps me going though is that I do have other male co-workers that really value the work that I do. Right now I'm worried about not getting a promotion because a male co-worker is going to be after the same job. Fortunately he is a friend of mine but this also poses a problem. How can I fight for a better position in a work environment that is strictly male with out having to push the envelope?The thing is, is that I would love the job but not only is a friend out for the same one but also I know that it will be more difficult with this different group of men because of the teasing and talk that they do about me.

Why do women get treated differently in the work place?

In class today, we discussed the different sex objects that men and women encounter, especially pertaining to work. Everyone knows the stereotypical type of home, where the man is the sole provide and works & the women stays at home cleaning.cooking/taking care of the kids. Why is it now that whenever a women is in the work force with a higher status, like be boss or head sales director, she is only viewed as an emploee not as a women?

Yes, men do get treated different in the sense that we assume that they should be providing for the family and that they should be the ones that go to work. But with women, it seems as if they can't have a high status in the work force because they are viewed as not intelligent enough, they just can't do it, or they shouldn't be because a male can do it better. For example, my step-mom. I admit she is very bubbley and may come across as the "dumb-blonde" to people that first meet her, but she is actually very smart and is good at what she does at work. She has worked hard with her business and raised her kid, but yet it seems like she doesn't get enough credit because she is in a more male dominated business. I know this cause i've gone to work with her several times.

Besides the point, women should not be under-estimated when it comes to how much and well they can handle work. And men should not have all the pressures of being the main provider and should dominate everything. Both genders should be accepted the way they are and that's that!

:)

I am going to look at this from the other angle. I feel men stay at home more than woman after high school based soley on lack of everyday chores. Most men are unfamiliar on how to cook or do laundry by themself. Also it is socially acceptable that girls how more friends with which they could share an apartment with. But mainly for both sexes it comes down to money. If you or youre parents have money there is no question about leaving home. Everyone needs freedom and there isnt much at home.

Living with the 'rents or paying rent?

So I have an older brother and a younger brother who are both now over the age of 18. When they both turned 18 my parents started charging them rent to live at home in order to get them out quicker and to "grow them up". However, when I turned 18 they never said a word. I lived at home till I was 20 and now am at school and have never paid a dime and they pay for my school and rent even here (I do work for anything extra that I want or need though). The thought occurred to me though that it is more socially acceptable for a women to live at home longer than for males. If a 22 or 23 year old female lives at home I see that as more socially acceptable but if I hear about a 21 year old living with his parents I think of him as a lazy. Why does society expect males to move out of their parents home earlier than females? Both sexes are getting married later and later now days so shouldn't it be acceptable for men to live at home longer or should it be expected that women find their own places younger and get out on their own? Just a thought.

Sex discrimination?

We discussed it, I believe last week, how woman would be taken advantage of is certain areas; especially with those dealing with cars. I myself am very embarrassed to say that I was charged THIRTY DOLLARS to have a knick repaired in my windshield. When I went to have it taken care of the man LITTERALLY looked me up and down and gave me the price!! Another time also had to do with my car. I was getting a tired replaced and them men at shop tried to tell me all these other things that were wrong. I told them that I would take it into consideration about the repairs and have them looked at later on... There was nothing wrong with my car.
Yesterday we talked about the education system and differences between boys and girls. I also went to a very small school where I had the same teachers as my older siblings. Luckily for me the faculty was not very discriminatory. Yah there were considered differences between boys and girls but from what I had found and looking back now we were treated fairly. In high school that was not the case. Male teachers, most of them athletic coaches treated the "pretty" girls with special attention. (yes, I went to one of those types of schools) The boys in athletics were also given lead way. If you weren't an athlete then there wasn't too much you could do in those classes.

10/8

Today in class we talked about how in school boys and girls are treated differently. We barely touched on the fact that most of us have siblings. Dr. Leeclaire mentioned that some of us probably had the same teachers as one of our siblings. I am the middle child. I had so many of the same teachers as my older brother. When i was in 3rd grade I had the same teacher that my older brother had the previous year. My teacher had the never to ask my mom if me and my brother had the same biological father because we were so different. (he was very hyper and i was calm and a "good" student) But what was not fair is that he is a boy and as discussed in class they have more energy and differnt personalities as girls do. I think that as a teacher, part of your responsibility is to treat everyone the same.

Gender differences in education

In class this morning, the topic discussion was focusing on gender in education. Our teacher brought a very good point about in our early years of education, like elementary and middle school, it is predominantly female teachers. I remember my fifth grade teacher being a male and he was the only male teacher in that grade. But when i look back at it now, whenever i talked to him years later, he's gay. Which there is nothing wrong with that at all, but it just shows more feminine attributes in a female dominated career. In high school, i was a cheerleader. When i think about all of the female teachers i had, there were not that many, but the male teachers were there one's i usually got.

I'm not sure if it was because i was in sports, being a girl cheerleader grades were helped out on occasion because my coach talking to them and saying how important it was to be in the games. But rarely did i ever have female teachers. Why is that?? The early stages of learning are mostly females, but later years once the sports come into play, it's mostly male teachers. Does the male vs. female education role depend on whether or not you're in sports!?

:)

Sex appeals

Okay, so in class the other day there was a big discussion on women using their sex appeal to get certain things vs. when women get taken advantage of when a male is not present. When it comes to dealing with a car, buying or maintenance, whenever there is no male present, women sure as hell get taken advantage of. I know when I got to get an oil change, they come back and say that there is all this other stuff that needs to be fixed. One time i actually fell for it, and ended up getting yelled at by my dad because they charged me $20 for a little air filter when you can probably buy one for like $5 at PepBoys.

On the other hand, women do use their sex appeal to get certain things they want. I think there is nothing wrong with this at all, I will admit that i've done it several times!! Especially when it comes to getting out of tickets.. But it's not just the women using their sex appeal to get away with things, the males have their moments too. One of them being selling things and trying to overpower the woman. In a situation when a male is clearly needed, they take it to full advantage and embrace the moment.

Overall, using one's sex appeal to get certain things is not wrong at all. It's simply normal and i'm sure everyone has done it one time or another, even if they didn't even realize they're doing it or not!

:)

Just a thought on gender issues in my life

My boyfriend just got an amazing job and he is going to get paid lots of money.  He is moving for his job and we will probably fly to see each other. With the career path im taking, I wont be making any money when I graduate, and will have to move in with my parents for a while.  

I have been brought up to be very independent,  (even though I will need some support from the rents when I graduate!) and never like the stereotypes of dating such as men always paying, driving, etc... I like to be the one in charge sometimes.  I like to be pampered, sure, but I also like to be in control and do some of the wine and dining... I guess I just have some more masculine traits. 

My boyfriend loves the idea that he is about to be my "sugar daddy." He will be able to afford paying for flights, and expensive b-day/anniversary/Christmas gifts.  I fell horribly uneasy about this situation.  I feel like most girls would looove it and take advantage of it, but its really been bothering me.  Although I do find myself dropping hints about some gifts I want... haha

I guess its true what we hear in class. Some girls want to be treated  totally equal but the minute they have a flat tire, or in my case, gifts and flights, they are glad to enact the stereotypes despite any uneasy feelings about the situation.  

Women: Flirt or Fight?

Yesterday in class we went back to the subject of whether women should be more aggressive since they sometimes get taken advantage of when it comes to making deals with men. Whether it be buying a car, getting a bank loan, or anything we always talk about how they are taken advantage of because people think they don't know any better. Society says they should be more aggressive when negotiating and "do it like a man."  But then we also talk about how instead of negotiating like males, females will wine and cry and bitch until they get what they want.  And then there is also the viewpoint that women can flirt their way out of things.  I will say honestly I have used my sex appeal to get what I want before.  Am I wrong in doing so if society tells me it is ok? Which one of these tactics is the right one? Or are there any?

When people choose to drink an excessive amount of alcohol and that leads to them being rapped, that is only their fault. Now when it happens totally sober then that is when it should be reported and people should go to jail for doing such a morally wrong thing. It is something nobody should experience and can mentally affect someones life. But I agree with Prof. LeClair that probaly half of the total number of rapes arent even reported which is sad.