Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Does it make a difference?
I always find it interesting when people bring up the "working mother" issue. My mom was a single woman for a great deal of my early years and I spent most of my time in daycare or with my grandma. She didn't become a stay-at-home mom until I was 9 and my brother was born. Sometimes I do feel like there is a wall between my mother and I, like we aren't as close as we could be. I often wonder how different our relationship would be if she had been able to stay at home when I was young. It has taken me a long time to be open and honest with her about things that are complicated. I often find myself thinking "This is my mom which makes this conversation weird and uncomfortable". It did get easier the more time we spent together. I also wonder if it had an affect on my personality. My mom and I are so different I can't even believe that we are related sometimes. I take after my grandma in almost every aspect of my personality and I never really thought about why that is. I relate to people different than she does also. She is such a people person and I have little tolerance for them. So do you think it makes a difference only in your relationship with the parent who is never home? Or does it make a difference in all your relationships?
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4 comments:
Honestly, I am of the opinion that the people with whom we spend the most time in our younger years form much of how we will see and respond to the world. My mom stayed home from the time I was born or held part time jobs at the church so she could take me with her. When she had my brothers, she stayed home full time and earned money babysitting for our relatives and her close friends. My dad joked for years that my brothers and I had more of her personality than than anyone else's, largely because she was our role model during those essential formative years. Even today, my cousin and the daughter of my mom's good friend relate more to my mom at times than to their own mothers.
So do you think it makes a difference only in your relationship with the parent who is never home? Or does it make a difference in all your relationships?
I feel it makes a difference in all your relationships. Whom ever you are around the most will have the greatest influence on you. If a father is a son he can have a great influence in the socialization of him becoming a man. If the son is raised by the mother mostly, it can contribute to him learning how to cook and clean early in life or how to better adapt to women. Worst case scenario, he may be viewed as being real feminine. Relationships are a pure example of the social learning theory. When you see a behavior, you rehearse it and adapt it.
I agree. I also think it depends on how early of an age as well, because it is very crucial for a mother to develope a bond with her child as soon as that child is born and if a bond is not established there then it will be established with whoever is around the child the most. My cousin's mother also left him with my grandmother as a child and so now he is 26 years old and has no real relationship with his mother. I also agree with john doe on the social learning theory.
I would agree with social learning theory. The person you around most will be the person you learn from. I still think that the child makes a decision to either follow that person or run from them, but either way, they use that person as the basis of who they do or do not want to become. I was raised by my mom at home because my dad worked all day. I take after both of them a lot, but I learned a great deal from my mom being at home that I otherwise would not have learned.
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