Wednesday, September 3, 2008
9/3/08
Today in class we discussed whether a guy would stay at home if the woman made enough money for him to do so. Every guy in the class said no unless they had some way of conrtibuting from home. I find that a little funny because what guy would not want to sit at home and mow the lawn, watch tv, hang out with his friends, and just wait for the woman to return home from work? My boyfriend has told me multiple times that if i mnade enough he would want to stay home and that he would not mind being a stay at home dad. I do not think that this would ever happen, but he admits that he would not mind and would actually like to do it. I do not understand why more men do not feel comfortable admitting that they would not mind.
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I couldn't respect a man who wasn't doing something with himself. I know that women do the same thing as far as not working and being at home while their husbands are making money or maybe the women are raising the children but for a man to be at home just doing nothing...I couldn't call him a "man" I see too many women in relationships like that where she is supporting him and I'm like "couldn't be me"
I agree with superkitty on some kind of level...I think that a man who stays at home and does absolutely nothing can not be called a "man" either...but as long as the man contributes to the household..i.e. does things around the house and/or takes care of the kids then I do not see a problem with a man that stays at home.
BUT I think what the men in the class were getting at was that they would not mind staying home, but that they felt they would get "bored" so in the long run they just would not do it.
onlygirl13- I am sure your boyfriend says he would not mind it at first but don't you think after awhile he would get bored with the "couch potato" act??? I would bet so.
Honestly, I cannot see how choosing to stay home and raising children makes someone any less of a "man." Marriage (or the promise of living together if a couple so chooses) is a joint commitment to care for each other and the kids that result. Dividing up the responsibilities is up to the couple. I have friends who have chosen to pursue their (high paying and respectable) careers while their husbands take the kids to school, extracurricular activities, cleaned and repaired the house and grounds, and cooked. In short, they played the role of House-Husband. Their arrangement works our perfectly for them, and their children are some of the happiest, most well behaved children I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Yes, if they were "couch potatoes" and did nothing while their wives pulled the "Double Shift" as career woman and mother, I could understand not respecting them. As far as I'm concerned, if a man is doing something to help the family and marriage, whether by acting as the bread winner or the stay-home dad, then he is doing something besides sitting on his butt. Housewives have been taking care of their families for years, and it is a full time job with no monetary benefits but huge emotional bonuses. It is time men could do the same without social repurcussions.
I was thinking about all of this from a female perspective. If I am married to a rich man and we did not have children, I don't think I could stand staying at home all the time. I completeley understand what all of the guys meant. I would feel useless just hanging around home all day. A house can only get so clean!
the discussion in class wasn't really about whether or not it was acceptable for a man to be a stay at home dad, it was more about whether or not its accecptable for a man to live off a womans pay check with out doing anything. I think its unacceptable for a man or a woman to live off another with out contributing in some way. Now if there are children in the picture i think its totally justfied for a woman OR a man to stay home to raise them and it doens't make them any less of a man if they choose to do so. But as far as staying at home and doing nothing, thats just plain lazy.
It goes deeper than that...As the man of the household you are taught to be the head and not the tail...its okay to make less than your woman but then a man feels he is not upholding his end of the bargain and may feel inferior. The biggest thing a guy worries about is to avoid ever hearing a woman tell him to get out of her house, give her..her things back...she pays all the bills....its scary....also beyonce video to the left to left makes guys stay on top of their business... i believe its a culture issue more than anything...because lets say the guy doesnt work but he gets disability...you just have to look at it from all aspects....a man shouldnt be a stay at home Dad but sometimes he may have to...even further what about women who jus choose not to work and the man is bringin barely enogh money home....thats even worse
I feel as a guy that if my wife was the one bringing home the bacon I will feel very uncomfortable around her due to the fact that I was not making any contribution to our living expenses. Many girls might find this odd but most guys like to feel as if they are in control of the family and you can’t be in control if you’re not the one supplying the money. Hopefully throughout the class my views will change, but as for now that is where i stand.
It depends on the personality of the guy. Im sure there are plenty of guys who love admitting to the idea of having women making all the money and staying home all day having their toughest task being mowing the lawn. On the other hand there are also plenty other guys who do not like this idea because they seem themselves getting bored and not being usefull. Common characterstics people give when describing the qualities of a man relate to ideas of being usefull. Intelligent, strong, competent, skillfull, etc. So some men try to be this way because they see thats how people should view them and some naturally are this way. Not to say a man that would admit to wanting to stay at home wouldn't strive to be these things but i believe that this a large part why guys are turned off by this idea of staying at home. I personally would not stay at home because I fall into this category. My current job and past jobs have contained work which requires mental and physical skills so I feel a sense of competence and usefulness when I'm finish. This is why I wouldnt stay at home is because I wouldnt be comfortable, I have no problem relaxing and chillin but I couldnt do it consistently all the time I would need to be doing something. Hanging out with friends all day does sound good but if a guy stayed at home while his wife worked in order for him to be able to hang out with his buddies they also would have wifes who did all the work and let them stay home and I dunno how common this would be.
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