and Dr. Le Claire for being so "naked" today! and then I wanted to say it here because I wasn't ready to in class.
Then I wanted to talk about the thing Pamela said today about when she was first raped that forever more you feel like predators seek you out like you have a big scarlet "S" on you that stands for "SLUT" that everyone can see. When I was young I had very bad things happen to me by some horrible people and I didn't know why these things kept happening to me.
It was years later when I heard it that there is indeed something about you that predators can sense on you and that made sense to me. Unfortunately they didn't tell me how I could undo it so that I can have normal relationships. When she talked about the addictions and the promiscuity and the self mutilations I was checking off a list in my head! To this DAY I have not and cannot keep a relationship going. I'll either sabotage it or something. Like I don't deserve good things.
Also like Pam I don't have a good relationship with my parents and early on I figured I just like to be by myself whenever family is concerned.
This is ironic that we had this happen today because I just got finished writing in my journal about how I'm going to start dealing with my life in little increments and start dealing with myself on a day to day basis because everything I'm dealing with gets too overwhelming! I also figured out that the reason I can't handle one of my addictions is because I guess deep down I think I should punish myself like I'm bad or something.
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4 comments:
I am glad to hear that the phone conference with Pam helped you come to some realizations in your life! I think that more people should be "naked" and share their experiences because that is how we as humans heal and reflex--through communication!!
I would like to thank Pam as well. Me being a male is was hard for me to put myself in her shoes and even harder to see people being emotional and not knowing how to respond. I was emotionally unresponsive. I think i was more mad and shocked than anything. I feel for women sometimes and its unfortunate when you dont have those key individuals in your life that you can depend on.
First I would like to say I'm sorry for those awful things that happened to you, and I am glad to know that you now realize it wasn't your fault by any means. I'm scared for my children someday, but I know you can't live in fear. I'll pray that you can come to terms with your experiences and hopefully this class helped you!
I too was also very sad to see how many people were upset in class. I hope you really do know that it is NOT YOUR FAULT! and the fact that you were abused is not something you caused to happen, but something bad that happened to you. It is no reflection on you as a person what so ever. I hope that you do continue to try to heal and move on from the painful things that happened to you. Also John Doe thank you for your message, at our age it is nice to hear that a guy can be so honest about his feelings. very refreshing.
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